Virgin or Slut? by J.R. Yussuf
The Feminist movements of the 1920s and the 1950s attempted to tackle legal issues such as women’s voting rights, reproductive rights and legal inequalities within the workplace. However, womens’ human right of being free sexual beings-without being shunned has seemed to slip through the cracks.
Women that are sexual and comfortable with being sexual are demonized. Promiscuous, loose, butch, fast, pop, strag and smut. These are some of the words we use to define our women who are confident enough to explore their sexuality. These are some of the words we use to chain women and make them conform to what we want them to do. Conform to how we think they should be. These are some of the words that we use to set our women back a decade or two. Promiscuous, loose, butch, fast, pop, strag and smut. These words discourage sexual deviance among women but they also hurt. We use these words loosely to define women we suspect of being sexually active and if you think about it, these are the terms we use to use to define our sisters, mothers, daughters and friends. Most young women have been or are being sexually active and exploring what feels good (physically, emotionally, and ethically) versus what does not–including young women inside and outside of your family.
“A woman can only be a virgin (never had sex or is not sexually active) or a slut.” There are no shades of grey in this situation and if you don’t agree think back to the last time a female friend told you about enjoying a sexual experience. Remember how you felt about her up until she told you the story and recall what you instantly thought about her when she told you. It has almost become innate to think of women as not having a sexual nature and to somehow respect them less if they show signs of having one. Like, the very desire of women craving emotionless sex, like their male counterparts is a no, no. What many don’t realize is that double standards don’t build solid relationships—they only come between them.
Is it the lack of respect for oneself that makes you a slut? Is it the way you feel about doing it? Is it dependent on who’s controlling the situation? Is it getting used for sex by people and knowing it? How many people you’ve had sex with? Is it your gender?
Arguments for why women should not explore their sexuality is because women are “childbearers, more sensitive and should be kept pure.” However the true reason is not because women should be kept pure since they can bear children and because they are delicate. The reason is a selfish copout that allots men to engage in trial and error relationships/sex and forcing women to be chained to whatever bachelor happens to come along and say he is good for her.
In the media and everyday life, women are either presented as out of control floozies or complete novices in the realm of sex and sexuality. This impacts how women feel about sex and how they think they should be in accordance with societal norms. The truth is societal norms hurt and it is not always healthy for everyone. For example a societal norm for a young black man might be for him to be interested in sports, cars and women, whereas he might feel inadequate as a man if he is not interested in one of these three things.
Sex sells and it’s in our faces all the time but once a women succumbs to the hype they are socially crucified which discourages this behavior but also sends mixed messages. It’s sexual repression and repression of any kind is immoral.
Women who do enjoy sex and are vocal about it are frowned upon in most societies across the globe, whereas a prominent sexual societal norm for men is to be vocal about enjoying sex with your partner or multiple partners. It’s a Double entendre and somehow when a guy is a slut, it’s just not as frowned upon as being a women and being a slut.
Nonetheless, if you raise your boys to sleep around and get as many bodies as possible yet raise your girls to be virgins til death something does not add up. Somewhere out there is another set of parents raising their sons to try to have sex with as many girls as possible and if you think about it, we’re figuratively raising our sons to take down our daughters.
