It feels as if all men are reading from the same unwritten book entitled How To Treat Women, and its sequel, How to Get Women to Do What You Want. Similar to how most women get their sex and dating advice from Cosmopolitan and Sex and the City reruns.
The male species tends to have this incredibly deluded idea of how women think. Therefore, they have this incredibly deluded M.O. when it comes to “bagging,” “wooing,” and “courting” their female counterparts. If you’re not going to act like Taye Diggs, you can’t possibly expect us to automatically become your Sanaa Lathan.
It’s never that easy because each woman is different. Just like military officers have to formulate a different plan of attack for every enemy, a man must get to know the woman he is interested in or even talking to in order to succeed in whatever he is trying to accomplish.
I once had a guy tell me that I was immature because I wanted to wait to be intimate with him, and I refused to pleasure him orally.
What?! When has that ever worked for you? Maybe I missed the memo that mature people just jump into bed with whomever. Please forgive me for that.
Why do most “men” think that the only way to get girls to do a certain sexual act is to manipulate them or to use reverse psychology? The truth is women can see right through these childish tricks, and can execute them far more expertly than any man.
We women have this James Bond finesse when working behind the scenes to get what we want. Most men just look like a five-year old boy trying to get a classmate to take his carrots in exchange for cookies. That little boy gets the same (0_o) face that a man would get for thinking he could get away with such foolishness.
On the other hand, there must be some good pointers in these self-help books because there are definitely some guys that usually get it right—the Nice Guys, the Gentlemen, etc. However, there are the ones that abuse those pointers for the simple fact that “girls like assholes.” We’ve all heard a man utter those words. In my opinion, there are two reasons why a guy would feel that way—a girl chose a “bad boy” over him or a girl ended things or didn’t want to talk to him at all because he was “too nice.”
Show me a girl that actually “enjoys” being with these jerks and I’ll show you an optimistic, glass half-full female. The truth is that upon meeting their mate (just as the old Chris Rock adage goes) guys introduce girls to their representative—the good guy—not their true selves. After a certain amount of time, the real “man” comes out. He may not be ideal, but he was so great in the beginning.
It’s a shame, but it’s a common reality.
It’s gotten to the point where sincerity has become something not to be trusted right away, so maybe it doesn’t even matter what the guy handbook or Cosmo tells us to do because young people these days are always going to have a guard up.
What used to be a cute little fence when we were younger has quickly turned into a ten-foot tall, electrocuted fence with barbed wire and a shark-infested moat. When is it going to end?
By: Leslie Anselme
