In lieu of March being Domestic Violence Month, the CLE Magazine Team has taken a special interest in trying to help everyone detect and avert a potentially unhealthy relationship.
As it stands, every 9 seconds a woman is assaulted or beaten in the United States, and at an even more alarming, indeterminable rate men and women are at the receiving and giving end of emotional, verbal and spiritual abuse, according to the domestic violence statistics website.
Recently, Grammy winning artists Chris Brown and Rihanna produced two records together, (“Birthday Cake” & the remix of the upbeat “Turn Up the Music”) after a collaboration hiatus that lasted a few years. There has been great speculation that the duo had been sneaking around [for sex] and violating the restraining order Rihanna later dropped, stemming from an altercation after a 2009 Grammy party. The world may never know what truly occurred on that night or what led up to that night, however what can be taken from this is domestic violence doesn’t always end with a few scratches and two songs that will top the music charts or cause controversy in the media.
Domestic violence is not glamorous. It often ends in death and the sooner a potentially abusive partner is identified the sooner the potential victim can escape the volatile clutches of fear, insecurity and familiarity.
Ladies, examine the questions asked in another article from this section called “For Colored Girls:” What Kind Of Men Do You Attract? :
“Is your man controlling when it is irrational to be? Asking you why it took you twenty minutes to get back from the grocery store instead of the usual fifteen minutes and accusing you of cheating because of those unaccounted minutes. Does your man get tight lipped when you ask him simple questions about his friends, daily activities or past? He starts giving you one word answers when you ask detailed questions about past relationships or something as simple as how he spends his time, away from you. Has he forbade you from having male friends or do the things he says make you feel like you have to lie about having male friends? You have a lunch date with a few old friends from high school and originally he shows no interest, until he finds out one of your high school friends is a guy; now he wants to come and impose. Does he call you a stupid bitch? He finds out you lied about who was going to be at the lunch date with old friends from high school and now every word out of his mouth is a curse or threatening and violent.”
And gentlemen, examine your relationship and ask yourself, does your girlfriend talk about your shortcomings to her friends even while you’re within earshot? Does she belittle you and measure your worth by how much you make or whether you got that promotion at your job or not? Is she slow to congratulate or praise you for a job well done yet quick to complain and quit on you?
Though this topic may be heavy, it is important to note that domestic violence does not discriminate by age, class or gender and as Rihanna said in her 2009 interview with ABC News “[avoid being] blinded by love.” Love should be a light that illuminates beauty that previously went unnoticed, not something that obscures ones view of the truth.
It is important to take notice of tendencies early on in a partnership. So if you know of any other warning signs of having an abuser, feel free to leave a comment and help out the next person.
We would love to hear your thoughts, so please feel free to leave them right here!
By J.R. Yussuf