“For Colored Girls”: What Kind Of Men Do You Attract? by J.R. Yussuf
“For Colored Girls” is a 2010 drama film adapted from Ntozake Shange’s 1975 stage play ‘For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When the Rainbow Is Enuf’ written, directed and produced by Tyler Perry.
Being a blockbuster in the theaters for the year of 2010, it is safe to say that most people have seen it or have heard what this film is about. In For Colored Girls, love, abandonment, rape, infidelity, and abortion are all explored through the love lives of nine women. This film had a punch you in the gut type effect because the film was close enough to real life to have actually happened and visual enough to keep the audience emotionally invested. The film sparks interesting conversations and questions when it comes to Sex & Dating such as: “It’s hard enough to find an attractive, educated, black man, but when you finally find one how are you supposed to be able to tell whether he is a potential rapist, closet bisexual, murderer or whether he will abandon you?” And “how can you change the kind of guys you attract?”
Answering the first question is complicated because to be honest you won’t always know or be able to tell. However, there are signs and symptoms of having these types of men in your life. Is your man controlling when it’s irrational to be? Asking you why it took you twenty minutes to get back from the grocery store instead of the usual fifteen minutes and accusing you of cheating because of those unaccounted minutes. Does your man get tight lipped when you ask him simple questions about his friends, daily activities or past? He starts giving you one word answers when you ask detailed questions about past relationships or something as simple as how he spends his time, away from you. Has he forbade you from having male friends or do the things he says make you feel like you have to lie about having male friends? You have a lunch date with a few old friends from high school and originally he shows no interest, until he finds out one of your high school friends is a guy; now he wants to come and impose. Does he call you a stupid bitch? He finds out you lied about who was going to be at the lunch date with old friends from high school and now every word out of his mouth is a curse or threatening and violent.
Answering the second question is more clearly cut because changing the kind of guy you attract is all about changing how people percieve you. For example, if your hair is natural and you wear it in a fro or locs, guys will perceive you to be more educated as an ethnic woman and more intelligent guys will approach you rather than your local hood booger. Though your hair style is not necessarily indicative of your lifestyle or how intelligent you are, it changes another person’s perception of you nonetheless. So in order to attract guys that will want to love you and not want to hurt you, work on loving yourself unconditionally. Remember your worth is not determined by the price of your clothes or by your current economic situation. Stride around being mindful of this and that regardless of what you’re wearing, you will always be you.
These are a few indications but there aren’t always clues showing you what kind of man you have, but the best clue is time. Giving a relationship time and constantly reflecting on the benefits of being with your spouse gives clarity. In 2011 make a resolution to be more careful.
P.S. This is a new year and the last thing anyone needs is to be involved in a relationship similar to the ones we’ve witnessed in “For Colored Girls.” So if you know of any other warning signs of having one of these types of men, feel free to leave a comment and help out the next person. We would love to hear your thoughts, so please feel free to leave them right here!
- The CLEMagazine Team
